Well, just like real life, everything is not always peachy. I will
write about the good stuff as well as the bad stuff, because I want to
remember this experience as it truly was, not through rose colored
glasses.
Everyone knows that pregnancy hormones are crazy.
Well, when you couple that with the medicine I am taking, it just makes
them almost unbearable. It so funny to me that I can be so happy about
something, yet feel that something is so wrong, that I don't get a
chance to feel the happiness. I have been completely consumed by fear
and worry. Apparently, after further searching my medicine also causes
anxiety and depression. So, after a couple days of hysterics and not
being able to stand it anymore, I called the doctor and they suggested
an ultrasound to ease my fears.
Well, sure enough Michael Jackson was still there with a very strong heartbeat at 178 BPM.
He (see mom!) even had a couple of involuntary movements while we were
watching him. It will be fun to see who gets the most I told youso's when we find out the sex. Randy or my mom.
I
seem to be back on even ground at this point. I just have to remind
myself that everything is fine, and we have a picture to prove it. We
are exercising every night to try and get some good endorphins flowing.
I am trying to find a counselor that has anappt available before the
end of January. I am hoping that when I stop my medicine in 3 weeks,
that the worst of these feelings will subside. But until then, I have
to do something.
I am not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to get this down, so that I can look back and say wow, how ridiculous was I being.
Santa
also visited our house yesterday and left me a body sleeper pillow. It
is like a C shape, that you lay your head in the top curve and the
bottom curves up to be between your knees. Last night was the first
night I did not toss and turn, until...I had an emergency visit to the
bathroom which made me think I had caught the virus. It seems to beok now, so maybe it was just michael jackson being bored. Can we give that kid some crayons or something?
Randy's
Corner: He came down with this virus Monday that everybody has had.
Poor guy, he just can't seem to get better. I am starting to think it
is jealousy. No, its not, he has just been sick. I feel so bad for him,
because there is nothing I can do. He still has trouble breathing, but
his doctor says its because his lungs have been in aweakened state for so long (1 1/2 months now). So, supposedly, our exercise is going to cure him too. I guess will see.
For his second debut in as many months (because his mother is crazy):
1 comment:
I'm really proud of you for putting all that down. This pregnancy thing can make anyone crazy. The best/worst part about it is that those feelings of love/excitement/fear/worry won't ever totally go away, even when the hormones and temporary insanity do. Those feelings stay because that is what happens when you bring another person into this world. And you will worry, a lot. Especially at first. But it is totally normal. And even when you add up all the not so great stuff that comes along with starting a family, it doesn't even come close to the good stuff. I can't even begin to explain the feeling of realizing that you have a family of your own. I am so excited for both of you. I know this hasn't been the best week, but know that things are going to get so much better. We love ya'll!
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